The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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