I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
