Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
