omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
