I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
