Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
