So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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