when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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