i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
