So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it's like iHOP with fire
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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