We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.