so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call