I just pynch a tree in the face
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized