Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
