I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
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will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
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When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder