I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
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I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.