he wants to bone in the snuggie
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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