so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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