I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
