If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
