i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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