Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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