new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
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New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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