Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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