I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
