Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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