Even water is tasting like jack daniels
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
