you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
