thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
