Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
