So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
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There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
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