I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
