you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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