The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The Olympian is in my bed
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
