im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
