we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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