she told me i tasted like america
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Still dying that you shit outside
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
