bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
