The best revenge is premature balding
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
