Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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