Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
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The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
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I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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