I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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