Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
