I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
