I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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