well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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