what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
