Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My vagina is very pro this idea
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