I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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