ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
pray to the hookup gods
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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