just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
