I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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