i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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