Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
