I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
