My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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