Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
