youre lurking in front of me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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