Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
