This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
