can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Randomize
