He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
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He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
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I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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