You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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