i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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