Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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