Don't make out with my wife yet
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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