My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
