toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
