You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Say something about gay babies.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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