ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
