i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
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Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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