oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Two words: blizzard sex
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
