Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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