i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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