I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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