I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize