i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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