paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
