so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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