bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
