Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
