I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
