If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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