the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
