I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
