Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
