I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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